Batman: The Dark Knight Rises

Out of all the amazing Batman villans to choose from, I am severely disappointed that they went with Bane. His voice is so hard to understand and he is so hard to hate because, of course, his face is void of any expression. Honestly, it was a good movie: it just wasn't as epic as it was trying to be. Rating: Yellow Score: 80

The Amazing Spiderman

A much more likable Peter Parker and a high school romance that doesn't ooze with cheese. If the villain didn't look like he was wearing "the Mask" I would say this is a near perfect super hero movie! Rating: Green Score: 87

Snow White and the Huntsman

I've never hated a villan so much for having a hideous haircut! This movie has some cool use of mono-chromaticism and saturation for setting the mood, which is pretty dark throughout. You don't really find yourself cheering for Snow White, but the huntsman is pretty darn cool. Rating: Yellow Score: 65 (v)

The Double

This movie was pretty good for a Netflix instant stream. Which, of course, means it was barely worth watching. While it was unpredictable, it was just captivating enough to not turn off early. It also requires the common man a good 10 minutes afterward to talk through "what just happened?" Rating: Yellow Score: 51%

Gone

This movie is not a horror film. But it ends badly and There is nobody really likable or hateable in it. Score:50 Rating: yellow(l,v)

The Big Year

With a movie like this,that walks the line between boring and charming, it is up to the audience to decide on which side this falls. For me, I found it likable and quaint. But then again, I live birds and I can't complain about a family friendly Wilson/Black movie. Score: 78 Rating:Green

Bernie

An unfiltered, honest window in to the life of a podunk East Texas community. It is absolutely hilarious and mildy irreverent, but it found a way to trigger sincere self analysis. A bizarre window into human nature and man's duality. Jack Black was perfectly casted, and hits a home run in what I consider to be his first success in a serious role. Rating: Green Score: 90% (Language)

Limitless

With a concept this cool it's hard to believe it was a complete and utter disappointment.

This movie was spineless and had NO CLOSURE!

Rating: Red
Score: 10% (Violence, Stupidity)

The Conspirator

This movie taught me that there is more to southern pride than refusing to relinquish slavery. Kind of sad that it took a movie for me to realize that.

Rating: Green
Score: 97% (important message and great acting)

Harry Potter 7 Part 2

A grand climax to the Harry Potter symphony. It was as good as I hoped it would be but inevitably shorter than I wished it could be.

Score:95%
Rating: Green

Unknown

This movie taught me that a car accident can completely change your nature; and in turn lead you down a path of repentance and reconciliation. Hooray for car wrecks!

Score: 70%
Rating: Yellow (violence)

Spiderman 3

I think it is called Spiderman 3 because it attempted to follow 3 villains at once which made for three underdeveloped bad guys and one super-dorky-spidey.

Score: 60%
Rating: Yellow (stupid)

Top Gun

PG?! Really?! A mild suggestion for parental guidance doesn't even go close to far enough. Also, it was so profoundly goofy I had to shut it off after the first hour. And I could only take so much of "Take My Breath Away". Maybe that just illustrates my lack of appreciation for the 80's.

Score: 40%
Rating: RED

The Adjustment Bureau

Pleasantly frustrating, Surprisingly profound, Unexpectedly romantic, and potentially spiritual.

Score:90%
Rating: Green

Cowboys and Aliens

I'm a little offended they didn't call this movie "Cowboys and Indians and Aliens." C'mon why do they always neglect the natives!?

Seriously though this movie kicks so much extra terrestrial keister. I want to see it again as soon as possible.

Score: 95%
Rating: Green!

Captain America

Despite this movie's failed attempt at making a villan more diabolical than Hitler, I thought it was a home run. Very heroic hero and very ugly bud guy

Score: 95%
Rating: Green

As Good as it Gets

This movie is like watching Seinfeld that is not funny, uses foul language, and has partial nudity. To me, that ruins it.


Score: 50%
Rating:  Red 

Thor

Two things came to mind while watching this movie:

Mario Kart's Rainbow Road course and "Man that guy is buff."

Score: 85%
Rating: Green

Cars 2

I was never infatuated with "Cars" because it felt too much like Jay Jay the jet plane. However it's one redeeming factor was it's appeal to kids. Ya know...vroom vroom talking cars...kids love it! Then Cars 2 decides it's going to add this mafia element to the mix and attach machine guns to hub caps. Now its "vroom vroom....blam blam blam....kabooom you're dead I killed you!"

Well Pixar...you killed your perfect streak. And I'm bummed about it.

Score: 65%
Rating: Yellow (a little violent for little kids)

Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides

I was so confused by this movie's lack of a good protagonist.

I was all like "Oh HE dies? That must mean he was the bad guy."

I also always feel the urge to take a shower after these pirate movies.

Score: 75%
Rating: Yellow

Million Dollar Baby

Am I glad I watched this movie?

Yes.

Do I wish I never saw this movie?

Yes.

Did I love this movie?

Yes.

Did I hate this movie?

Yes.

Score: 80%
Rating: Yellow (scar you for life)

The Recruit

Turns out movies with the letters : C I A F B and I all cause me immense stress.

Score 75%
Rating: Yellow (SX, L)

True Grit

The dialogue was gripping and entertaining, which is strange for a western, albeit the violence was a little bit over the top, which is strange for a western. It also could have ended 5 minutes sooner and I wouldn't have minded. Definitely a guy movie. 

Score: 79%

Rating: Yellow (V)

Cinderella Man

I am hyper-hyper-HYPER sensitive to people dying while playing organized sports. It FREAKS ME OUT. That's all I'm saying.

Score: 95%
Rating: Green

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlbHzcH4VJY

X Men: First Class

I think I like prequels even more than sequels because it is like watching a movie while watching a movie you've already seen. Every few minutes you see or hear something that brings you back to the future in a joyous, fulfilling moment.  So, if you like the other X men movies, I'm certain you'll dig this one.

Score: 85%

Rating: Yellow (l,v)

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrbHykKUfTM

I am Number 4

This movie was about as good as Number 2 if ya know what I mean.

Score: 40%
Rating: Red (st,v)

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5djHG3hPu0

The Sum of all Fears

This movie is all like whoa! and then it's all like whaa? and then it's all like WHOA! and then it's all like WHAT THE?! and then it's all like....whew

It's also not completely unfathomable.

Score: 87%
Rating: Green (L)

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJIF9-6D52w

Unstoppable

Meh.

It's a movie about a train.

Score: 75
Rating: yellow

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JM-0Ywc7wNY&NR=1

The Tourist

I hate when I watch movies that I hear are lame... and they end up being lame.

I like when I watch movies that I hear are good....and they end up being good.



But oh how I love watching movies that I hear are lame...and they end up being awesome.

Go enjoy The Tourist and don't listen to what anybody else says. This movie is a winner.

Score: 95%

Rating: Green

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrqpKEOF8uw

Rango

Dern tootin near rillistic special fex, with snickr to m'self dialogue: all dun in suthrn, westrn or mexican accents.  Can't help but redly admit I chuckled once er twice at the swers throughout: granned they wer
mostly the H-E-double hockey stick word n' spoken by reptilian folk. 

Score: 87%
Rating: Green

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-OOfW6wWyQ

Young Victoria

Romantic, classy, and politically intriguing. Not cheesy (suprisingly).

Call me crazy but this movie made me want to time travel….and possibly rule the British Empire. 

Score: 95%

Rating: Green

Megamind

So bad at being bad. So good at pretending to be bad. Accidentally good at defeating good. So bad at creating good. So good at defeating bad. So good at being good.

Hope that didn’t give anything away.

Score: 100%

Rating: Green

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJtot_f-snU

The Next Three Days

I had to do yoga and meditate for an hour before I could relieve half the stress this movie caused me. I was so stressed out I was literally sweating and tensing up my shoulders.

This movie is believable and unpredictable. Incredible writing and acting.

Definitely one of my recent favorites.

Score: 90%
Rating: Green

The A Team

The "A" in A team stands for Asinine.

It's nothing but pandemonium that leaves you feeling dissatisfied.

I don't recall ever feeling remotely enthralled at any point in this movie.

Score: 40%
Rating: Red

Valkyrie

You have a responsiblity as a human being to see this movie.

It is important for your character, your patriotism, and your life perspective.


Really, I insist.

Score: 95%
Rating: Green

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHtCaVtryiE

Quote: "Long live sacred Germany!"

Rescue Dawn

This movie is about an airplane pilot named Dieter. He is German and escaped WWII Germany.

Although his last name is not Uchtdorf, he is radically heroic and charming.

This may have something to do with the fact that he is played by Christian Bale.



I Love this movie. It makes me cringe, wince, and cry, but it leaves me with a profound respect for Vietnam War veterans.

Score: 90%
Rating: Yellow (V)


Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2jIKkxSsBg

Quote: "Howdy"

Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

This movie coulda been cool.
The acting woulda been good if the writing wasn't lame
The action shoulda been exciting if the choreography wasn't so far fetched.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda.

uh-uh.

Score: 60%
Rating: Yellow (st)

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J2fo5alMVI

Date Night

More like DON'T Night!

Unappropriate and unfunny

Score:  5%
Rating: Red

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Do you like Oceans 11?

Do you like Wallace and Gromit?

Do you like the color orange?

If you said yes to these three questions, then you will enjoy this movie.

Score: 80%
Rating: Green

preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2igjYFojUo

look I know it's a weird movie but I think it's witty and fascinating okay?!

Pride and Prejudice

I don't even need to give a review on this movie because you've already seen it.

If you haven't, then I don't suggest you watch this movie...I suggest you get a girlfriend!

Score: 98%
Rating: Green

Seriously though, it isn't just mushy, lovey dovey, romance mumbo jumbo. It is well written, beautiful cinematography.

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARWfCBr0ZDM

Extraordinary Measures

This movie taught me that if your 2 kids are dying of a muscular dystrophic disease, go find a cure.

That's right. If you want a miracle, go and get one.

Completely inspirational and nearly life changing.

Score: 98%
Rating: Green

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZV_bMgB-zA

RED

This movie takes killing very lightly.  It's like; wake up, brush your teeth, kill a guy, go check on your little avocado plant growing in a jar in your kitchen, kill a couple more guys, complain about how bored you are with killing, kill a bad guy with a syringe,  reminisce on the good old days when you used to kill so often, then kill a couple more bad guys.

I kinda liked it, but I probably shouldn'tve.

Score: 75

Rating: Retired and Extremely Dangerous


Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayFfMfN5AvE

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

I really didn't mind that these "persians" were full fledged, WASP american actors. It was still exciting with a little bit of a twist at the end.

Score: 80
Rating: Green

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZ7Li5w2I-k

Deep Blue

This movie is rated G, but a baby gets mauled and eaten by a killer whale and they show the whole thing including it's mauled corpse and bones!

Okay, so it was a baby whale but still!

Also, a seal gets launched like a hundred feet in the air which I died laughing at.

Score: 90
Rating: Green

Preview:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzMtG54qynA

Secretariat

This movie is kinda like "The Blind Side", but instead of the strong female figure believing in a big black kid, she believes in a big brown horse.

I mean that in a good way!

It also threw in what I considered to be a surprise ending.

Score: 89
Rating: Green

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4wvRAjTbm0

Two Brothers

Considering I couldn't train my Shi Tzu  not to pee on the decorative table plant, I cannot fathom teaching a full grown tiger to chase a car. I also can't imagine as an actor, staring a 600 pound tiger in the face without crying. (especially a 10 year old actor)

So, despite this movie's slow start. I enjoyed it immensely. 

Score: 95

Rating: Green

August Rush

A delightful combination of Oliver + Searching for Bobby Fischer

I only have one complaint about this movie...

WHY ISN'T IT A TRUE STORY!?

It's so perfect I just want it to be true.

Score: 98%
Rating: Green

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5ab6RtA-KE

Star Wars: Clone Wars

I think I ad libbed cooler Jedi dialogue as a 12 year old with a homemade pvc pipe light saber than this movie spits out.

In fact, this movie begs the question: When will they stop making Star Wars movies geared toward pre-teens?

The answer: probably once George Lucas is dead.

However, there is some redemption in the battle sequences, and the creativity of the character design.

If you are absolutely obsessed with Star Wars, you will geek out about this preview 10X more than the movie itself.


Score: 65%
Rating: Yellow

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVra0kGhJAM

the social network

not. worth. it.

The lightning fast dialogue and fascinating plot is not worth the content.

Score: 45%
Rating: Red

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB95KLmpLR4

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

The acting in this movie is top notch. Seriously this is probably the first time I've watched Shia LaBeouf without thinking of Louis Stephens. Very dramatic movie.

I'm still wondering though... Was there a moral to this story? Tell me money isn't the key to happiness!

Wow and the music in this movie is bizarre.

Watch this movie if you want raw interpersonal drama, very little sexual content, and two plain as day F bombs. (one from Shia himself!)

Rating: yellow
Score: 75

Preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oV5hEBqYfTE

Despicable Me

Funny and original. A refreshing re-invention of slapstick comedy.

Also a bit heartwarming.

When you watch this movie, pay attention to the reflections and the lighting. Illumination studios gets a high five for that.

Also, Gru punches a shark in the face.

Score: 95
Rating: Green

Preview:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXZY_XRjABs

Bee Movie

Absolutely nothing like what I expected and absolutely everything I hoped for. I laughed out loud at least 17 times. 

However, the high energy humor gets to be a bit spastic. It can be slightly overwhelming, thanks to  Jerry Seinfeld's "yelling talk".  No worries though; just watch it again and you'll be catching things you didn't catch before.


Score: 90
Rating Green

Preview
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16SMpTXpuuY

"9"

"9" is a guilty pleasure.


Guilty, because it is like watching "A Bug's Life" taking place in 1946 Hiroshima, Japan.


Pleasure, because it somehow manages to be visually captivating while virtually using a brown and neon green color palette .

Score- 68

Rating- Yellow

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Rhyme or reason?

Is there rhyme or reason to this movie review site? If you said "no", then you're probably right. I just say what I think about movies I see. Why do you care? You're asking me! If you don't care, then tell me; why are you still reading? Do you really give a stroganoff about what movies I'm seeing and what my opinions are about if they are good? If you don't care, I don't see any reason why you should. So go back to facebook.


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